Entries Filed In: Book Reviews

Book Review: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, Ph.D. & Nan Silver

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

What can make a marriage work is surprisingly simple.  Happily married couples aren’t smarter, richer, or more psychologically astute than others.  But in their day-to-day lives, they have hit upon a dynamic that keeps their negative thoughts and feelings about each other (which all couples have) from overwhelming their positive ones.  They have what I call an emotionally intelligent marriage.  From The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, Ph.D.& Nan Silver

There is one book on my shelf that I am constantly having to replace.  It is The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, Ph.D. and Nan Silver.  I am constantly replacing it because I lend it out and don’t get it back.  It is my favorite book to lend to couples because it outlines in very easy to understand and specific ways to improve a marriage. 

Dr. Gottman’s seven principles are: Enhance Your Love Map (know who your partner is); Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration; Turn Towards Each Other Instead of Away; Let Your Partner Influence You; Solve Your Solvable Problems; Overcome Gridlock; and Create Shared Meaning.  Dr. Gottman’s basic premise is that you may not always like your partner, but your marriage will be more successful if you like him or her more often than not.  His book aims at helping couples to nurture these positive feelings by exploring each other’s likes, dislikes and dreams.  He also encourages readers to find things to like about each other and to rely on each other.  He also helps couples to find ways to compromise on solvable problems and come to a place of caring and empathy on the problems where compromise cannot be reached. 

This book is a wonderful place for couples to start strengthening and improving their relationships.  Now I just have to get a new copy to replace the most recent one I lost.  Perhaps I will pick up two.

Self-Help Favorites

Thursday, August 25, 2011

I was recently asked which are my favorite self-help books to find healing.  So I perused my shelves and pulled out the ones that I have found most helpful for myself and the clients that I have worked with over the years.  Here are the top 6:

1.  The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by J. Gottman

I believe that everyone who is in a relationship or looking for one should read this book.  It gives so many helpful ways to keep perspective on yourself and the relationship as well as how to develop the friendship, problem-solve and get through the ups and downs.

2.  Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice by R. Firestone, L. Firestone, & J. Catlett

This book does what it says.  It helps to identify the critical messages that we tell ourselves that work to keep us unhappy.  Then it helps figure out how to confront and change these messages into ones that are not destructive.

3.  Letting Go of Shame: Understanding How Shame Affects Your Life by R. Potter-Efron & P. Potter-Effron

This book is similar to the previous one in that it educates about shame and helps us to heal from the shameful messages in our lives.

4.  Yes, Your Teen is Crazy!: Loving Your Teen Without Losing Your Mind by M. Bradley

The title sums it up perfectly.  It normalizes and gives ideas to parents who are feeling helpless.

5.  Thee Good Divorce: Keeping Your Family Together When Your Marriage Comes Apart by C. Ahrons

You have tried everything and are now at the last possible option.  This book helps the process to be one that is focused on the kids and collaborative rather than conflict-ridden.

6. I Heart Female Orgasm by D. Solot & M. Miller

What is not to love?  Everything you wanted to know and more.